Now I know what some of you are thinking, Wendy, I have a hard time thinking that you struggle with depression because you are always bouncing off the walls! Ha-ha! I guess that's true also, but the thing that most people don't see are the days when I struggle to get out of bed and struggle to just do every day normal activities because of the depression. I have prayed for many years for the Lord to help me overcome this thing, and I have begged God to take it away. Nevertheless, God, in His Father like way, always reminds me that His grace is sufficient for me. I have tried everything to make it go away because I have lived in a heap of quilt because of it. I heard someone once say that if you struggle with depression it's because you’re not sharing the gospel enough. So, in one year, I shared the gospel and led over 50 people to faith in Jesus. And guess what? I still struggled with depression. Then I read an article about St. Johns Wort and how it helps with depression. So guess what? I took St. Johns Wort and guess what? I still struggled with depression. I would have tried a prescription drug for depression from a doctor but with my liver disease I figured that I'd better stay away from it if I could help it, so I never tried it. I say all this to say that regardless of what I tried God would not let this thing pass from me. I would just sit, cry, and beg God to please, please help me to overcome this thing. And God would remind me again that His grace is sufficient for me. Now, I know what some of you are thinking, "Wow, that sounds like a mean God". I know that it would be tempting to think that, but what I've learned is quite the opposite. God has used this struggle in my life to teach me to rely on Him. I've learned, that for me, it's the thing that keeps me before Him and reminds me every day of how much He loves me and is there for me. All right, I know you’re thinking that I've lost it and not only do I struggle with depression but apparently I'm now delusional. I mean, how in the world could I think that God leaving the depression in my life would be a sign of how much He loves me and is there for me. Well, let me tell you a little something about myself. I can tend to be pretty self-sufficient. I mean, I really struggle with continually reminding myself and practicing God-sufficiency and not self-sufficiency. I am a go-getter by nature and it can be positive and negative at the same time. My depression is a constant reminder to me that I need God everyday and in every way. You see, God is using this thing in my life to help me stay dependant on His power to sustain me. I CANNOT do it on my own. He has to help me. I know that this subject is probably a no, no for a typical pastor's wife to talk about, let alone struggle with, but there is one thing that I am not, and that is a typical pastor's wife. I'm just me. A sinner saved by the beautiful grace of an all-powerful and loving God who, by what reason I will never know, choose to forgive me and give me life. So, for as many days as God will allow, I'm going to try and be real and be all that He created me to be. I hope if you struggle with depression that you would remember to not let the devil hold you in a big heap of guilt because of it. It may be the very thing that God will use to remind you that He can take even the things that are hard and ugly in our lives and turn them into something that make us look more like Jesus. And that my friend is a beautiful thing.
